I know you've heard that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, and I don't know about you, but in my house, Mars and Venus have way to much in common to even be able to make a comparison between my husband and I. I mean, we love one another, and I know that we have similar plans for our future, but that is about where it ends. How we plan our budget, and spend our finances, raise our children, our food preferences, make and prepare our food, clean and maintain our home, drive, entertain ourselves, OH so many other things, we tend to be on different playing fields, or unlike Mars and Venus, Even in separate solar systems!!!
Despite all these differences, though, one thing we can agree on, isthat we really love hanging out with one each other. We love being around each other. We both have busy full time jobs, which requires us to be away from the family, so our time both with the family, and one another is precious. But since we've already covered that my husband and I don't have many things in common, that leaves two choices on how to pass our free time.
1. Arguing about all the things that we disagree on.
2. Making a whole lotta love.
This is often a taboo subject, but we are all consensual married adults here, and I personally think that it's so taboo that its something that has become a back burner topic in a marriage, not a front row mosh pit in your face topic like it should be (So basically I"m saying option number 2 is the way we prefer to go.)
Let's face it. In a traditional marriage, you and your spouse have at least a little alone time before the children, come along. You have an actual honey moon period to try to learn how things tick. But in a second or third, (or more) marriage, the honey moon is cut drastically short, by extra mouths to feed, noisy pets, and everyone competing for the time and attention that they are all accustomed to. We don't have time to even learn how things tick. We just have to trust that the clock tells the right time. It's really no wonder why blended families often aren't successful. There is a huge wall of "why it won't" stacked up in front of us. Making time to be intimate with your spouse seems to be the least important priority, in the grand scheme of every day life.
In my marriage however, making love is the highest of all priorities. It's something that we look forward to, we stay connected, and even after 10 years, we flirt, kiss, and take one another's breath away, and make love at least 2 times each week.
I'm not saying that we never argue, I'm not saying that we don't at times have long drag out win lose or draw fights, but I am a firm believer in making love and not war. And it's not just for his sake. I love it too. Sometimes, we may be too tired to process major issues, but we can delve deep in one another's arms, and make the stressful situations go away.....The euphoric feeling carries on to the next day, and the cycle continues.
For the most part, throughout the year, this cycle works. We tackle big issues as they come, and as the blog continues, you will learn that we have so many....But 11 months of the year we are pretty satisfied, and content. Until we reach...
There is really no way to describe my husband during the month of December. He literally HATES Christmas. To call him Scrooge, or The Grinch is such an understatement. They at least come around at the end of the story. He just never does. His heart truly does stay 3 sizes too small the entire month. Now, I jingle, and jangle, and sprinkle magic fairy dust for the children, and make the holiday magical for all, but for my husband, there just wasn't enough fairy dust Santa's bag to make Christmas magical for him.
Around 5 years ago, I decided to combat the dreaded December blues by utilizing the tools that I already described to cope with our every day stressful life the rest of the year, and sex him up. I was going to have to pull out the BIG GUNS, for this grinchy guy. I presented to him, "The 30 Days of Giving". I gave him some kind of sex every single day for the month of December. (I know there are 31 days, but I took New Years Eve off) Boy oh Boy, you should have seen the smile on his face. I would get kind of kinky, and leave notes, surprise him with various things, but all in all, it mattered to him that I took the time. And I enjoyed it too! It has been something that we have looked forward to ever since, and I have kept up with the tradition, with very little exceptions. (We had a difficult rocky winter last year, but we made up for it in January, *wink wink* but that is a post for a different day.) This grand act of service, hasn't created Christmas miracles. He still hates Christmas with a fiery passion, but it does make him more approachable, and a resemble more of a teddy bear, than a grizzly.
In the 1400s an Italian Renascence painter, Sandro Botticelli portrayed in his paintings the love and sensuality between the Gods, Mars and Venus. Even though they were polar opposites, Greek legends tell, that they shared a passionate romance and he captured the love and sensuality they shared together. In this one, I am imagining them expressing their love to one another even among a busy blended family that they are rearing. Obviously we are not as free and open as this painting portrays, but I hope you get the drift. I slapped my forehead as the light bulb went off in my head. Ding Ding! Mars and Venus!!!!.
My husband and I are not 20 year old newlyweds; we both are on in our second marriage, and celebrated our tenth anniversary this year. I really think we are beating the odds, by making intimacy a priority. We try to stay in "honey moon" mode, and still manage to do homework with the kids, exercise daily, have full time jobs, participate in our own hobbies, fulfill church callings, and do our very best.
I don't have a perfectly clean house. I don't follow fancy recipes for dinner. I don't always return phone calls. I often forget appointments, and often fall short. But, in all the ways that my husband and aren't compatible, we really know how to have a good time, and share a passionate love, that so far isn't waning. I say, we must share the same orbit after all.