Monday, December 28, 2015

Visitation Detox

As I write this, I am laying here in my bed alone watching my favorite show, eating bon bons and am enjoying my alone time....

I'm missing my babies! 

The holidays are hard on me! When my kids go visit their dad, I'm a wreck. It's no secret that I  may suffer from a little thing called separation anxiety. Am I alone in this? Are you the type that cheers after the door shuts and the kids are on their way, or do you stress out like me?

For the first several years after my divorce, sharing custody was the bane of my existence. It stressed me out more
than just about anything could. I was stressed and worried for days before they would go and once they were gone I'd pray like I've never prayed before. I'm sure if their dad and I had divorced because we couldn't get along it might have been different, but because of his sex addiction and subsequent shacking up with a whore woman he cheated on me with, what my children might be exposed to was the biggest part of my stress. So for about four years, this was the routine. Stress, worry, cry, pray. 

That relationship ended and the worry and stress has diminished, but there is the ever present fact that when my kids come home, they are on party status.  When they go to their dad's house it's party time. It's all staying up late, eating junk, playing hard--or doing nothing at all and having few rules. It's like an episode of Home Alone without the Wet Bandits. My ex doesn't want to be the bad cop and doesn't want to adult. I say that based entirely on his actions of course. My kids come home over tired, under disciplined and not ready for their regular routine--that includes the normal daily chores, regular early bedtime, and being accountable for their actions. We go through what Haven appropriately calls Daddy Detox. For us, Daddy Detox includes an early bedtime, good food, being able to talk about everything that went on and a reminder of how we do things at our house. Due to distance my kids only see their dad once a month and thankfully my ex has married a good woman who implements some rules, expects the kids to be on their best behavior and adults when he doesn't or won't. Because of this, it has gotten some better. Hallelujah for that! 

What are your stresses--if any--when sending your kids to their other parents house?  What--if any--are your Detox strategies? Share with us because Heaven knows we can all agree that this is a topic with bite and it's not easy to see our precious little ones go through some of the crap that they do as a result of divorce.

Gah! I thoroughly intended to write a funny, amusing and uplifting post today. 

Maybe next week peeps.

Maybe next week...

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