Blending families is hard! It might only be hard for 9 months or 9 years, but it's hard.
I'm sure what makes it difficult differs for every blended family and for every marriage, but for mine the biggest difficulty comes from how my husband parents our children. There's the classic his-kids-are-saints-and-mine-are-heathens, and then top it off with my-way-or-the-highway from him and what you get is hurt feelings, confusion and chaos. This stems from his upbringing and of course his narcissism, but it's caused me to consider divorce more times than I can count.
So why do I stay? This is a question I have asked myself--and God, over and over.
I know I stay for our kids. Our kids need each other. That's why I stayed and why I stay. We need a whole family.
And of course I love him. It's just really hard to love him when he's a jerk. Rather, hard to love his behavior. But that's just it, I'm not required to love his behavior. I'm not required to love him acting like a jerk. I'm not required to love when he treats my kids with disdain, or when he thinks shaming is an effective parenting method. But I did promise to love him.
So when is enough enough? Obviously that's not something I can tell you other than you'll know. If that's your decision and you feel good and right about it, then you have your answer.
If there's abuse, leave. I'm confident that no one would counsel you to stay if there's abuse.
How do you know if it's abuse? Maybe this will help...
I hope your experience is not one of abuse. I hope your blending family woes settle down over time. I hope you know that we know how you feel. And I truly hope your story will be one of success and triumph.