Monday, January 11, 2016

R E S P E C T

According to Miriam, the simple definition of Respect
noun  re·spect  \ri-ˈspekt\ 
 is a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc. A feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way.

One of the common complaints in our support group is that it seems
that our husbands treat their children like Angels and our kids like heathens--or some variation on that theme.

We've speculated about whether there is some sort of jealousy issue, simple immaturity, male territorial issues, or some governmental conspiracy theory.

I asked a friend of mine if this problem that exists seemingly frequently in our worlds exists in hers. 

Nope.

Things are rosy at her blended house. Just peachy. 

I asked her a long list of probing questions as to how she achieves such harmony and her simple and astute answer was "plain ol respect".

I can work with this because you see, respect is earned. It's the only currency that when more is given away, more is earned. Respect is being considerate of everyone's feelings, respect is not bullying, it's using good manners.  Respect is truly listening and respect is more than just a word, to get it you have to give it.

I believe that in order to gain respect we have to have a healthy dose of self respect first.  Husbands should not allow kids to dis-respect us as moms. Kids should respect parents. Parents should respect kids. Kids respect each other and so do parents. When kids see parents respect each other, they learn it. When kids see parents respect ex spouses, they learn it. When parents respect each others ex spouses kids learn it.

But since no one is perfect sometimes this doesn't all work out like we want. This is where we, as adults need to adult and realize that kids can be bratty sometimes, but that we don't stoop to their level, we reach down and lift them up and show respect anyway. Of course there are consequences that need to be dealt out when behavior warrants, but when it IS dealt out with respect, kids actually learn to return the respect that is given to them.

And to think, Aretha had it right all along...


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