Thursday, May 5, 2016

Is my Partner a Narcissist? Part 5

This list is 7-20 on the 50 ways to tell List 

Does your partner carry grudges against you and others? YES. Even though I remind him that it's our job to forgive somehow, their offense against him is more important and his grudge holding supersedes that all important commandment to forgive one another.

Image result for narcissist holding a grudge

Is it all about your partner and his/her money, time, parenting time, property, and wishes/demands? YES. For instance,
tax returns are HIS because he worked. Yeah, birthing those babies for that tax exemption was somehow all him too? Jerk.

Does your partner seem unwilling to listen to you and to hear your concerns? YES. This is manifest not by refusing to listen or walking away, but by changing the subject as soon as I've said what I needed to say.

Is your partner constantly telling you what to do? ALWAYS. What to do, say, think, feel...Where to park, what to ask the boss, what to say to the person on the phone. This goes for everybody, not just me the spouse. (not enough eye rolls in the world.)

Does your partner make you feel “not good enough”? Have your partner’s constant put-downs caused you to internalize this message? My husband will compliment me if what he is complimenting me about falls in the categories of those things that HE loves. If it doesn't, he snickers, snorts, says what a bad idea that is, flat out get the idea.

Does your partner never ask about you, your day, or your feelings, even in passing? My husband calls me from his work often. "Hi, what's up? Uh huh... So this is what so and so did today!" I don't even bother anymore. I do NOT depend on him to talk about nor do I trust him with my feelings.

Does your partner need to go on and on about how great he or she is and how pathetic you are? Let's just say, he can write a fantastic resume. Only if he is really defensive will he tell me how pathetic I am, but his brother, wow, he loves to tell his spouse that she is a pathetic loser and that her children are too. I don't know which is worse, those that act that way, or those who put up with it. I've let my husband have it with both barrels for trying to tell my I'm a bad mom. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm not a bad mom. He nearly lost me as his wife over that crap. He lost my trust, though that's for sure.

Does your partner lie? He'll deny it, but if you call exaggerating and inflating lying, then yes. When I expressed my concerns about his exaggerations once, it all hit the fan. There was almost an all out brawl. Almost lost me on that one too. 

Does your partner manipulate? Um, Yes. I don't know if he even knows that there's another way. 
Does your partner tell different people different stories about the same event, spinning the story so that he or she looks good? He's actually pretty consistent telling the same inflated story so that he looks good.

When your partner talks about his or her kids, is it about what the kids do rather than who they are? This one, I'm not sure about. I know that he loves to brag about his kids. HIS kids, but I'll have to pay more attention to whether or not he includes who rather than what they do.

Are the children uncomfortable with your partner, love your partner, but at the same time are reluctant to spend time with him or her? My kids have after 5 years have grown to love my husband, but it's been hard fought. My BIL who I referred to earlier has successfully driven away his wife's children and father. My kids like to spend time with my husband, but I can tell that it wears them out as opposed to spending time with their dad and they never feel like it's enough time.

Have you come to realize that the kids protect themselves by not sharing their feelings with your partner? ABSOLUTELY! Too many examples to list, but let's just say that his kids do and mine too. And then he'll cut them down for not letting him know stuff. (Eye roll.)

Does your partner mistrust everyone? LOL, does the sun rise in the East? Sigh, unfortunately for all of us, we are all un-trustworthy in his eyes. ALL of us...

PART 1, 2, 3, 4,  6


  1. I just read all your posts about your partner being a narcissist... I think I'm the daughter of one. In spite of that, my mom has stood by my dad's side the whole time and they've been married over 40 years. I'm now grown up and moved out but my dad can't help himself, he still tries to manage my life. I'm in my 30's!!! It is a challenging relationship and I love my dad but at the same time, have the scars leftover from childhood. Not only that but I am lucky enough to carry on some of those traits.. Needless to say, none of my relationships have ever worked out, but unlike a narcissist, I know I am at fault. I go overboard with that though and usually take all the blame and let the other person walk all over me, but that is then my mom's trait. I think she is more of a borderline personality type (these are not official diagnoses) and from what I've read, the two just feed into each other. I could say a lot more about my dad and give you an example for every question you listed.. There just isn't enough time to write it all down though. Hope to see some of your posts in the future and best of luck to you!

    1. I know how you feel! My dad is also a narc and I have been taking the blame my whole life to keep the peace too. Now I'm married to a narc, but somehow wised up and wont't allow myself to take it anymore. That in and of itself has caused many fights, but I won't back down. Just knowing he's a vulnerable narcissist has helped the most. It's easier to let stuff roll off because I know where it comes from. Knowledge is power. Using that knowledge at the right time is (freaking awesome) wisdom. I thank you for your best wishes.