This just gets worse. Just when I think maybe he's just a partial narcissist, I go and
read the rest of the list...
(21-50 NOT 1- 30)
- Are the kids always trying to gain your partner’s love and approval? His, yes. Mine, not so much.
- Has your partner spent minimal time with the children? I'll have to say no to this, but I will say, that they are his priority only when it suits him.
- Does your partner typically skip the children’s events if he or she does not have an interest in that particular activity or does not value it? He actually supports a wide variety of children's activities. (but then I'm reminded of him forcing his son to quit a sport that he didn't like)
- Does your partner push the children to be involved in activities that your partner likes or values and discourage or forbid them from pursuing activities that your partner does not value? Yes.
- Have others in your life said that something is different or strange about your partner? Ummm...I'll have to think about that one.
- Does your partner take advantage of other people? Yes. But he's sure to justify if I ever call him on it.
- Is your partner all about power and control, pursuing power at all costs? Yes. He will fight to the death for the Upper Hand.
- Is your partner all about image and how things look to others? Yes. example: If he spills on his shirt at dinner in public he flips out. Can't be seen in public "looking like that".
- Does your partner seem to have no value system, no fixed idea of right and wrong for his or her behavior? No. I think if he weren't at all religious, I'd answer yes to this.
- After the divorce, does your partner still want to exploit you? Or has your partner never calmed down? Not divorced, but I've noticed that with his ex wives, he can't let it go. He loves to recount how they wronged him.
- When you try to discuss your life issues with your partner, does your partner change the subject so that you end up talking about your partner’s issues? YES! Always.
- When you describe your feelings, does your partner try to top your feelings with his or her own stories? YES! And the weird part is that all his sibs do it too. It's the strangest conversation ever. "So here's what happened to me!" "Yeah, well listen what happened to ME!"
- Does your partner act jealous of you? NO. He doesn't act it, he SAYS so. He's flat out told me he's jealous of me. WTH!?
- Does your partner lack empathy? Sympathy yes, Empathy no. He can "understand what you're going through because he's experienced it, but doesn't seem to show the appropriate amount of emotion. If he says he understands (because he's gone through it) he seems to be robotic about it.
- Does your partner only support things that reflect well on him or her? I'll have to think more about this one...
- Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your partner? YES
- Have you consistently questioned if your partner loves you? Hmmm...thinking...
- Does your partner do considerate things for you only when others are around to witness that good behavior? Pretty much.
- When something difficult happens in your life (for instance, an accident, illness, a divorce in your family or circle of friends), does your partner react with immediate concern about how it will affect him or her rather than with concern for you? OMG this will have to be it's own post.
- Is your partner overly conscious of what others think? yes, Yes and YES.
- Do you feel used by your partner? I"ll have to think about this one, but I do know that he loves to recount times when he was a victim of being used. I'm guessing that this falls into the category of "projecting" and that since he claims he's been used over and over, somewhere in there, he's doing the using.
- Do you feel responsible for your partner’s ailments or sicknesses? No, but he loves to try to make me feel responsible for making it all better. LOVES to.
- Do you feel that your partner does not accept you? No.
- Is your partner critical and judgmental of you and others? YES. Always.
- Do you feel that your partner does not know and value the real you and does not want to know the real you? Yes. He's always putting me into the categories that HE wants me in. Dude! I am who I am!
- Does your partner act as if the world should revolve around him or her? Pretty much.
- Does your partner appear phony to you? Sometimes.
- Does your partner swing from grandiosity to a depressed mood? Um, not necessarily, but maybe I just haven't picked up on that pattern. I'll observe and report.
- Does your partner try to compete with you? Um, always.
- Does your partner always have to have things his or her way? Um, always.
I should feel happy or relieved that I've finished this list, but somehow, I only feel worse knowing that I married a man that is so narcissistic, but then, I realize that we are all flawed. That's the nature of this world.
Just knowing that my husband is a narcissist helps because then I don't take personally the constant dishing out of his BS.
My next series is how I've learned to deal--most of the time.